Hi all,
Today I had an appt with the Nurse Practitioner (arnp) to learn how to use the new 'pen' device (to give injections). When I was at the clinic, I saw their holiday hours and it said that if your period comes between Dec 11-24th that you can't do a medicated cycle because they're closed Christmas and Christmas Eve. Of course, that's when I thought AF would show up!
So after talking to the ARNP, we decided that I'd come in for an u/s on cd26 (this Wednesday!) and if everything looks good I'll start provera cd28 (Friday!). This is about a week before we were planning to start the next cycle, and I'll have more chance that AF will come before the 11th. So hopefully I'll get AF sometime between Dec 3 and Dec 10th. If it's after the 10th, we'll have to wait a month before doing the injections.
It's just crazy how scheduling can interfere so much with trying to get pg. I hope that AF behaves herself this time and comes on time.
Thanks for your support. We've been amazed at the support you all have given us. It means a lot that you are thinking of us and sending positive vibes our way. Some days are harder than others, and today I'm glad to have the extra support.
Love,
Julie
Monday, November 19, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Moving Forward
I talked with the Nurse Practitioner this week and ordered all my medications for our next cycle yesterday. We will be using a different medication, called Follistim (instead of the menopur that we used last cycle). It only contains the hormone FSH, where as Menopur contained FSH & LH. We're going to see if that change may help my ovaries to respond a bit better. It's also a bit easier to use, since the medication comes in a cartridge form...no more mixing medications (sorry Todd! I know how much you liked that!). The cartridges fit inside a pen-like device, and you just turn the dial to set the dose. So it also makes it easier (and is more precise)to increase the dose in smaller increments. I go in to the office on Monday to pick up the pen and to have a quick demonstration on it's use.
We're back in the waiting game now...Just waiting for my period, and if it doesn't come by cd35 (which is November 30th), I'll take provera to induce a period. Once my period starts, I go back in for b/w and u/s on cd3 to make sure everything looks good, and then we start our medications. Hopefully we'll be starting meds by the middle of December.
A while back, I was reading on another blog, and this woman talked about how she starts new cycles. After having so many failed cycles, it's easy to not be very optimistic about starting a new cycle. But when she'd start a new cycle, she'd make herself forget the past failed cycles, and just focus on the one starting. She'd try to have a blank slate type attitude with cycles. So that's what I'm going to do now. I've had my pity party for the last cycle, and am ready to put my chin up and feel positive about this next one. I'm going to try to be patient while I wait for cd35 to roll around, and enjoy this treatment-free time.
Thanks for your encouraging words. I appreciate your support.
Love,
Julie
We're back in the waiting game now...Just waiting for my period, and if it doesn't come by cd35 (which is November 30th), I'll take provera to induce a period. Once my period starts, I go back in for b/w and u/s on cd3 to make sure everything looks good, and then we start our medications. Hopefully we'll be starting meds by the middle of December.
A while back, I was reading on another blog, and this woman talked about how she starts new cycles. After having so many failed cycles, it's easy to not be very optimistic about starting a new cycle. But when she'd start a new cycle, she'd make herself forget the past failed cycles, and just focus on the one starting. She'd try to have a blank slate type attitude with cycles. So that's what I'm going to do now. I've had my pity party for the last cycle, and am ready to put my chin up and feel positive about this next one. I'm going to try to be patient while I wait for cd35 to roll around, and enjoy this treatment-free time.
Thanks for your encouraging words. I appreciate your support.
Love,
Julie
Friday, November 9, 2007
Cycle canceled
Bummer.
My follicles have a slight increase in size, but my estradiol didn't increase as much as it needed to.
Current stats:
Biggest follicle: 9.2
Lining: 4.9
Estradiol: 57
So now we have to cancel the cycle, which means that I don't take any more medications and don't do an IUI (which means chances for pregnancy are slim, at best). So I have to wait for AF to come, which typically doesn't spontaneously happen for me. I'll wait until cd28 or cd35 (to be determined) and then will take provera to induce a period, and once AF shows up, I will start a new cycle. I probably will be starting my next cycle in the beginning/middle of december.
Next cycle I'll be doing the higher dose of menopur (100 units) and possibly take letrazole along with the menopur. If you remember, I took letrazole (it's an oral medication to help stimulate follicles) on the cycle before this. I didn't have much of a response to it, but my RE said that it's a new protocol that they're trying to see if there could be better follicular response, and she thinks it might work well for me.
She was also still very optimistic that we will get pregnant. She said that she and her colleagues look at my ultrasounds and say, 'she's going to explode with follicles any time now!" It's just this fine line that we have to walk between under vs over-stimulating. I totally get that, but it's so hard to be patient. She talked about how all the little follicles in my ovaries are screwing up the normal hormonal feedback route, and that it's taking a lot (of meds) to overcome it. But that we will get there.
I know I need to be patient. I need to allow what will be, to be. It's just that this isn't fair. It shouldn't be this difficult. It isn't this difficult for most people. There are so many questions, and not any good answers. It's now been over a year since we started trying to get pg. I remember to a year ago at how happy and naive I was. It was such a wonderful exciting time. And now women who were trying to get pregnant at the same time, have had their babies; and others are almost due. I am so happy for them, but it reminds me that we still haven't had that success. And it makes me sad that I'm so sad. I can remember to being happy and to coming to work being happy and being home and being happy. And while I still have happy times, the sadness and tears are just lurking under the surface. It doesn't take much for me to surrender to the tears. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry that the happy me is here less often. I'm sorry that I'm not as much fun to be around. I'm sorry that I've lost that innocence. I know I don't need to apologize. You all understand, but what you have to know is that I wish it wasn't this way. I wish for those happier carefree moments. And I do my best to not let my sorrow get the best of me. But I do need to allow myself moments, days, whatever it takes to feel my sorrow and acknowledge it, for me to move on. To remember that there is a tomorrow. There is a lot of goodness in my life: my wonderful,caring, supportive husband; my family; my friends; my neighbors who have become my best friends; my supportive colleagues; my friends in cyber-space. And I know that when I wake up tomorrow, all of you will be here to support me. I love you for that.
Thanks.
Much love,
Julie
My follicles have a slight increase in size, but my estradiol didn't increase as much as it needed to.
Current stats:
Biggest follicle: 9.2
Lining: 4.9
Estradiol: 57
So now we have to cancel the cycle, which means that I don't take any more medications and don't do an IUI (which means chances for pregnancy are slim, at best). So I have to wait for AF to come, which typically doesn't spontaneously happen for me. I'll wait until cd28 or cd35 (to be determined) and then will take provera to induce a period, and once AF shows up, I will start a new cycle. I probably will be starting my next cycle in the beginning/middle of december.
Next cycle I'll be doing the higher dose of menopur (100 units) and possibly take letrazole along with the menopur. If you remember, I took letrazole (it's an oral medication to help stimulate follicles) on the cycle before this. I didn't have much of a response to it, but my RE said that it's a new protocol that they're trying to see if there could be better follicular response, and she thinks it might work well for me.
She was also still very optimistic that we will get pregnant. She said that she and her colleagues look at my ultrasounds and say, 'she's going to explode with follicles any time now!" It's just this fine line that we have to walk between under vs over-stimulating. I totally get that, but it's so hard to be patient. She talked about how all the little follicles in my ovaries are screwing up the normal hormonal feedback route, and that it's taking a lot (of meds) to overcome it. But that we will get there.
I know I need to be patient. I need to allow what will be, to be. It's just that this isn't fair. It shouldn't be this difficult. It isn't this difficult for most people. There are so many questions, and not any good answers. It's now been over a year since we started trying to get pg. I remember to a year ago at how happy and naive I was. It was such a wonderful exciting time. And now women who were trying to get pregnant at the same time, have had their babies; and others are almost due. I am so happy for them, but it reminds me that we still haven't had that success. And it makes me sad that I'm so sad. I can remember to being happy and to coming to work being happy and being home and being happy. And while I still have happy times, the sadness and tears are just lurking under the surface. It doesn't take much for me to surrender to the tears. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry that the happy me is here less often. I'm sorry that I'm not as much fun to be around. I'm sorry that I've lost that innocence. I know I don't need to apologize. You all understand, but what you have to know is that I wish it wasn't this way. I wish for those happier carefree moments. And I do my best to not let my sorrow get the best of me. But I do need to allow myself moments, days, whatever it takes to feel my sorrow and acknowledge it, for me to move on. To remember that there is a tomorrow. There is a lot of goodness in my life: my wonderful,caring, supportive husband; my family; my friends; my neighbors who have become my best friends; my supportive colleagues; my friends in cyber-space. And I know that when I wake up tomorrow, all of you will be here to support me. I love you for that.
Thanks.
Much love,
Julie
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Not quite what we were hoping for...cd12 update
We were back in the RE's office first thing this morning for another u/s and b/w. I was hoping that my follies were continuing with their slow, but steady progress, but there really wasn't any growth since Monday. :(
Current stats:
Biggest follicle: 8.5
Lining: 5.7
Estradiol: unchanged
My RE just called with my b/w results and unfortunately it hasn't changed. So we're going to increase my dose from 75 to 100 units for the next 2 days and then I'll go back in on Friday for more b/w and u/s. If there's no change by Friday, then we'll have to cancel this cycle. Then next cycle, we'd start at 100 units.
I'm definitely disappointed. I know they want to be very careful not to overstimulate my ovaries. My RE said that because I have so many follicles that are tiny, if we use too much medication, there's a strong chance that they all will grow big and we'll have to cancel the cycle for overstimulation. So there's this fine line that we have to walk between preventing overstimulation and understimulation. She said that "we'll get you there," but it's just going to take some serious patience.
I do have to give some kudos to the MA "R" and to my Dr. W. They've offered to give me some extra vials of medication that were donated by women who didn't need them any more. It's so helpful to have caring people donate these meds and then for the office to pass them on. I don't have any insurance coverage for IF and these every other day appointments are adding up very quickly. So it's a huge relief to know that I won't have to pay for all my expensive meds on my own.
Also, a special thanks to you-know-who-you-are for helping us manage some of these costs. Todd and I feel so lucky to have such caring family & friends.
Thanks for checking in. We really need some positive growing vibes in the next couple of days. I hope that increasing the dose of meds will help these tiny follicles come out of hibernation and grow!
Love,
Julie
Current stats:
Biggest follicle: 8.5
Lining: 5.7
Estradiol: unchanged
My RE just called with my b/w results and unfortunately it hasn't changed. So we're going to increase my dose from 75 to 100 units for the next 2 days and then I'll go back in on Friday for more b/w and u/s. If there's no change by Friday, then we'll have to cancel this cycle. Then next cycle, we'd start at 100 units.
I'm definitely disappointed. I know they want to be very careful not to overstimulate my ovaries. My RE said that because I have so many follicles that are tiny, if we use too much medication, there's a strong chance that they all will grow big and we'll have to cancel the cycle for overstimulation. So there's this fine line that we have to walk between preventing overstimulation and understimulation. She said that "we'll get you there," but it's just going to take some serious patience.
I do have to give some kudos to the MA "R" and to my Dr. W. They've offered to give me some extra vials of medication that were donated by women who didn't need them any more. It's so helpful to have caring people donate these meds and then for the office to pass them on. I don't have any insurance coverage for IF and these every other day appointments are adding up very quickly. So it's a huge relief to know that I won't have to pay for all my expensive meds on my own.
Also, a special thanks to you-know-who-you-are for helping us manage some of these costs. Todd and I feel so lucky to have such caring family & friends.
Thanks for checking in. We really need some positive growing vibes in the next couple of days. I hope that increasing the dose of meds will help these tiny follicles come out of hibernation and grow!
Love,
Julie
Monday, November 5, 2007
CD 10 update
Not much to report, so just a quick update today. B/w & u/s done again. Follies still growing, but still slowly. They called back with my estradiol level which actually went down a bit. She said it's ok since it's still early in my cycle and that we'll keep going with the same dose of medication, slow & steady. They don't want to stimulate all of the follicles that I have! We'll take twins but quintuplets would be a bit much! :)
Current Stats for this cycle:
Biggest Follicle: 8.7
Lining: 5.4
Estradiol: 45
Plan to go back in on Wednesday for more b/w and u/s (and probably on Friday too). More waiting...Positive thoughts please!
Love,
Julie
Current Stats for this cycle:
Biggest Follicle: 8.7
Lining: 5.4
Estradiol: 45
Plan to go back in on Wednesday for more b/w and u/s (and probably on Friday too). More waiting...Positive thoughts please!
Love,
Julie
Saturday, November 3, 2007
CD8 Updates
Hi Friends,
I'm glad that Todd got everyone up to speed on the events from this last week. Like he said, Thursday was a pretty hard day for us and I wasn't quite up to posting until now.
Today I had my cd8 b/w & u/s.
My u/s went well. There's still not a lot of follicular growth (biggest one today was 7.3, up from 6.3). Typically, they expect follies to grow 2mm/day, so I was really hoping for one closer to 10. The doc on call today was my Dr W. It was nice to see that she was on. She was not discouraged by our u/s--said that she wanted to be patient and let my ovaries get working. We may end up increasing the dose of medications, but for now, she wants to keep the same dose and see me again in 2 days (cd10, Monday).
Current Stats for this cycle:
Biggest Follicle: 7.3
Lining: 4.0
Estradiol: 55.7
Thanks for checking in on us. This is starting to get a bit draining, but I'm trying to keep a clear head. I really appreciate your comments. Thanks for letting us know you're thinking about us.
Much love,
Julie
I'm glad that Todd got everyone up to speed on the events from this last week. Like he said, Thursday was a pretty hard day for us and I wasn't quite up to posting until now.
Today I had my cd8 b/w & u/s.
My u/s went well. There's still not a lot of follicular growth (biggest one today was 7.3, up from 6.3). Typically, they expect follies to grow 2mm/day, so I was really hoping for one closer to 10. The doc on call today was my Dr W. It was nice to see that she was on. She was not discouraged by our u/s--said that she wanted to be patient and let my ovaries get working. We may end up increasing the dose of medications, but for now, she wants to keep the same dose and see me again in 2 days (cd10, Monday).
Current Stats for this cycle:
Biggest Follicle: 7.3
Lining: 4.0
Estradiol: 55.7
Thanks for checking in on us. This is starting to get a bit draining, but I'm trying to keep a clear head. I really appreciate your comments. Thanks for letting us know you're thinking about us.
Much love,
Julie
Friday, November 2, 2007
Area 51
I thought it was time to give the other half's perspective (Todd):
So the really good times started Monday of this last week.
-Test Injection- 8:50 pm monday oct 29th(on me): Part of this injectable deal was that I would have to administer one on myself. Taking out the really huge needle, sucking out the saline solution, popping off the large needle, putting on the small needle, flicking, and sticking it into my pinched stomach fat is not all too fun. I had to do it to myself to be a tough guy, but I can only imagine that doing it for ten days takes the cake. This is an understatement.
-Injection #1 9:00pm monday oct 29th (on Julie): Mixing the expensive drugs together, alcohol swabbing Julie, counting when I was going to stab, getting chastised for counting, then just stabbing. Julie suggested I not count during the time the needle was in her skin. I guess I'm not supposed to do that. It went alright. No leakage.
-Injection #2 9:00pm tuesday oct 30th(on Julie): No Sweat until I think I hit a vein. It was a bleeder. A bruise started. We might have lost around 20 dollars worth of meds in that little drop of blood that came out. Just kidding.
-Injection #3 9:00pm Wednesday oct 31st (for Julie): This one was no problem. I'm becoming a stabbing assassin. Julie's getting a nice track on her stomach.
-Ultrasound morning of Thursday Nov 1st: Julie was probed with the magic wand to see if there was any progress on the folicles. Things are possibly working. 6mm avg, most likely shooting for 10mm avg on Saturday at next Ultrasound. This Ultrasound thing seems to be no sweat for Julie. I think next time she'll be finishing up some magazine articles she missed.
-HSG analysis: An x-ray of the pelvic organs in which a radio-opaque dye is injected through the cervix into the uterus and fallopian tubes. This is a test to see if the tubes are working properly for ovulation. This was no fun for Julie, nor I; I saw the things that had to go up in there and the title of this entry is aptly named. Let's just say Julie has been abducted, probed and returned to earth. This one was really tough for her and painful. A turning point in frustration towards feeling like a lab rat. It crushes me to see her cry. I compensate by coming up with stupid jokes.
-Injection #4 9:00pm Thursday: We had some dinner at a friends house and brought the drugs along to shoot up in the bathroom after our meal. Afterwards, after coming downstairs from the upstairs bathroom, it was a little bit awkward until I started talking about what Julie had been through earlier in the day. These are close friends and they received the unedited version with hand gestures. I think we're going to go out to dinner tomorrow night at a fancy restaurant and shoot up again and leave the needles in the bathroom for kicks.
This was a very tough day for Julie, (me as well, I have to admit). Many tears shed. We hope it's the hormones kicking in.
-Injection #5 9:00pm Friday: This was one of the smoother stabs. Afterwards, Julie Broke down and apologized for crying. I made some stupid jokes again. She wasn't ready for the jokes.
For the most part things are going okay. The unexpected is what kills. Is this doing anything? Is it working? What's this costing? What are we doing? We're halfway there. We'll see how things are going tomorrow(saturday) with the next ultrasound to see if there was any growth from the previous two days and two injections. If not, we may have to up the dose and order more meds from our dealer in London.
Until next time. Keep sending positive juice.
Todd
So the really good times started Monday of this last week.
-Test Injection- 8:50 pm monday oct 29th(on me): Part of this injectable deal was that I would have to administer one on myself. Taking out the really huge needle, sucking out the saline solution, popping off the large needle, putting on the small needle, flicking, and sticking it into my pinched stomach fat is not all too fun. I had to do it to myself to be a tough guy, but I can only imagine that doing it for ten days takes the cake. This is an understatement.
-Injection #1 9:00pm monday oct 29th (on Julie): Mixing the expensive drugs together, alcohol swabbing Julie, counting when I was going to stab, getting chastised for counting, then just stabbing. Julie suggested I not count during the time the needle was in her skin. I guess I'm not supposed to do that. It went alright. No leakage.
-Injection #2 9:00pm tuesday oct 30th(on Julie): No Sweat until I think I hit a vein. It was a bleeder. A bruise started. We might have lost around 20 dollars worth of meds in that little drop of blood that came out. Just kidding.
-Injection #3 9:00pm Wednesday oct 31st (for Julie): This one was no problem. I'm becoming a stabbing assassin. Julie's getting a nice track on her stomach.
-Ultrasound morning of Thursday Nov 1st: Julie was probed with the magic wand to see if there was any progress on the folicles. Things are possibly working. 6mm avg, most likely shooting for 10mm avg on Saturday at next Ultrasound. This Ultrasound thing seems to be no sweat for Julie. I think next time she'll be finishing up some magazine articles she missed.
-HSG analysis: An x-ray of the pelvic organs in which a radio-opaque dye is injected through the cervix into the uterus and fallopian tubes. This is a test to see if the tubes are working properly for ovulation. This was no fun for Julie, nor I; I saw the things that had to go up in there and the title of this entry is aptly named. Let's just say Julie has been abducted, probed and returned to earth. This one was really tough for her and painful. A turning point in frustration towards feeling like a lab rat. It crushes me to see her cry. I compensate by coming up with stupid jokes.
-Injection #4 9:00pm Thursday: We had some dinner at a friends house and brought the drugs along to shoot up in the bathroom after our meal. Afterwards, after coming downstairs from the upstairs bathroom, it was a little bit awkward until I started talking about what Julie had been through earlier in the day. These are close friends and they received the unedited version with hand gestures. I think we're going to go out to dinner tomorrow night at a fancy restaurant and shoot up again and leave the needles in the bathroom for kicks.
This was a very tough day for Julie, (me as well, I have to admit). Many tears shed. We hope it's the hormones kicking in.
-Injection #5 9:00pm Friday: This was one of the smoother stabs. Afterwards, Julie Broke down and apologized for crying. I made some stupid jokes again. She wasn't ready for the jokes.
For the most part things are going okay. The unexpected is what kills. Is this doing anything? Is it working? What's this costing? What are we doing? We're halfway there. We'll see how things are going tomorrow(saturday) with the next ultrasound to see if there was any growth from the previous two days and two injections. If not, we may have to up the dose and order more meds from our dealer in London.
Until next time. Keep sending positive juice.
Todd
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